Oct. 6
Wednesday
Happy holidays, Calendar campers. You can't go home (your mom called, she hates you) and you sure can't stay here (we called, we hate you). So go away.
Back in elementary school, were you always the silent child? Didn't dig on spelling bees, but couldn't be beat at the quiet game? Word. Calendar knows how you feel-way too cool for everyone else.
So, chances are that such ingrained behavior as mute communication doesn't just disappear as we age. Nope, there's a good chance that the quiet child grew up into a quiet man. Maybe even "The Quiet Man," in which case, there's a free screening of the classic film all about you tonight in LNCO Room 1110 at 7:30 p.m. as part of the U's Best American Cinema series. We're not entirely sure what this one's really about, but we hope it's not one of those subtitled Eastern European films about goat farmers. That stuff's so pretentious even Coffee Break kids can't handle it.
Speaking of Coffee Break kids, we'll bet you a bright shiny nickel that Calendar knows exactly where they'll be milling about tonight: The Utah State Fairgrounds. Sadly, the black-on-blackers won't be there to visit the world's smallest horse (so cool!). Instead, caffeinated cats and kittens will probably be scratching themselves silly for boy-band, mall-punk, "just because we cry doesn't make us less of men" emo whiners Taking Back Sunday, Matchbook Romance, Fallout Boy and A Thorn for Every Heart. A Thorn for Every Heart? Seriously? Calendar can just see these guys sitting down (in their girlfriend's Se7en jeans) and deciding that this was actually a really good name for a band. Way to go, guys-well thought out.
The smell of cow manure and the sight of oceans of scenesters not so appealing? Good for you-instead, spend less money and see cooler bands at a better venue, then laugh about how lame all your friends are for not coming with you. Tonight at Kilby "How awesome are we" Court, Daedelus, Her Space Holiday, Neotropic and Octavius bring the weird band names to a hole-in-the-wall near you (741 S. 330 West). Is it just Calendar, or does this line-up feel like cast list for a bad B-rated sci-fi movie? Sweet.
Oct. 7
Thursday
The vice presidential debate was Tuesday and the second presidential debate is tomorrow, but how about you watch some people who you would actually want to vote for as president? That's right, Al Franken (Ex-SNL vet turned political funnyman) and Howard "Da Big" Dean will be on the McEnroe Show (CNBC) at 8 p.m. Calendar is actually spearheading the Dean/ Franken ticket for 2008, with Mr. T as Defense Secretary, his A-Team as cabinet and McEnroe as the president's public kazoo (official title, trust us).
Once you're done having your ears and senses defiled by the rhetoric of our nation's noble politicians, how about something a little more sonically soothing? Dig on computer-and-keyboard superstars The Helio Sequence (members of the fabled Sub Pop Records rooster coop) make all the Converse-clad thrift store cowboys and cowgirls do the hipster shuffle all night long at Kilby Court. You know the hipster shuffle, right? Sue you do- it's kind of like the electric slide (boogie-woogie-woogie), only better looking.
Since Calendar is the coolest thing this side of the pillow, we know that the new hotness is urban deception. But, street-illusionist David Blain only does his brand of "magic" in places like NYC-sorry Slicksters. Which is why you should go see David Cooperfield at Kingsbury Hall while he's still in town. He starts his multiple-performance night stint tonight, tickets range from $29 to $49, so maybe for one night don't buy any beer, take a shower, ask that girl in your class who may or may not be married out on a date and go. No worries, Roy: Tigers are not involved in this show, so bring the kiddies.
Magic isn't your thing, huh? Think there is some weird connection between the devil, playing cards and rabbits coming out of hats? Well, Calendar thinks you are weird, but hey, you are still important-and so is dance!!! That's why we think you should check out "Terrain" modern dance at its best, for only $25. A little pricey for you? Then represent for the U, tell the people at Rose Wagner Arts Center (138 W. Broadway) that Calendar sent you and then watch the price drop, son!
Oct. 8
Friday
We know you are wondering why Calendar is dragging on longer than your history class today...so we're not going to tell you. Stop wondering and recognize: Calendar owns you and this four-horse (men of the apocalypse) town, so you best keep reading and laugh loud so everyone looks at you. Then tell them Calendar is the funniest thing you have read since you realized you could read.
Seriously though, round two: That's right, John "I look like a horse" Kerry vs. George "What word will I make up tonight?" Bush will debate again on every major-network television station this evening with a little Midwest swing. Word around the media market, in which we are deeply imbedded, is that St. Louis rapper Nelly will be proctor for the debates. Word. Calendar, however, thinks it would be better to see the candidates' wives wrestle covered in their respective source of income: Oil and ketchup, right? Not to be partisan or anything, but that Heinz woman looks like she might know a secret wrestling move or two, so watch out, Laura.
Grab your high school graduation stein and head for the hills because this is the last weekend for Oktoberfest. Snowbird's epic fall event is finally coming to an end and there is no reason why you shouldn't be wasted, eating brats up there-you know Calendar will be up there, just look for the flocks of suspender-clad women...surrounding the passed-out dude on a lift chair. The beer might not be free, but it is free to get in. The beer flows from 12 to 6 p.m., so no excuses.
Oct. 9
Saturday
Today is the day when you finally get over your fears and discover, once and for all, what's in the basement. Calendar's guess is either A) a gaggle of dead hookers (gender irrelevant), B) a small, but vicious, living garden gnome named Henry, fond of stealing your socks and eating your Fritos, or C) the secret burial sites of Malcolm X, Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
But, if you're still too petrified to venture into the subterranean levels of your own house, why not check out the Utah Museum of Natural History between the hours of 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. for an up-close, FREE look at its basement. What do they have there? Who knows, probably some previously unknown dinosaurs and the missing link in human evolution...you know, useless stuff.
