Don't abandon hope when the government declares private church property a traditional public forum. Consider it an opportunity to mingle with the faithful from other sects. However, before deciding on a religion please consult a comic book.
A federal appeals court decision paved the way for Christian fundamentalists to practice their brand of religious conversion in the heart of Mormon country. I offer a suggestion to annoyed members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
See if they have any Jack T. Chick comic books.
Approach your stroll through the Main Street "Free-Speech-O-Rama" Plaza as would a cultural anthropologist. Observe outsiders with attentive impartiality and read comic books with the utmost caution. Those booklets are designed to convert unsuspecting sinners after only one reading.
Living in an area with a dominant religion deprives locals of the chance to be annoyed by missionaries from other faiths. Few experience the thrill of having someone knocking down their grandmother and leaping over shopping carts in an effort to deliver a religious comic book into one's sinful mitts.
I come from a land where many public purveyors of faith boast Southern accents and the gospel takes the form of "tracts." Tracts are illustrated pamphlets crafted to aid the faithful in rescuing sinners from eternal damnation. Apparently, I was more overtly sinful than others and often became the focus of such efforts. (Wearing spiked dog-collars does that, I guess. )
Chick publications promote Christian fundamentalism. They strictly adhere to a literal translation of the Bible. They don't pull their punches in Chick-ville and consider most religions watered-down Satanism. They call the Roman Catholic Communion wafer a "death cookie," accuse Muslims of worshipping a pagan moon god" and describe Mormons as "Masonic Baal worshippers." Not being "born again" dooms one to the infernal reaches. Their position offends people. (I typically responded to self-righteous missionaries with a phrase rhyming with "duck stew.")
Please note the discomfort one feels when outsiders readily disavow your strongly held beliefs. Recognize the abrasive touch of intolerance. Make efforts not to emulate those mired in self-righteousness. Finally, thank born-gain zealots for adding controversy and debate to a Utah religious environment that some consider to be a vacuum.
Following all that introspection, ponder the most important point. Do people really make decisions about religion after reading a comic book? Jack Chick writes these booklets for adults, not children. Some are designed for the biker gang demographic.
To learn more, visit www.chick.com or listen to "Lisa's Father" by the band Alice Donut.
cfroehlich@chronicle.utah.edu
