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Dear God
Michael McFall went to Episcopalian, Lutheran and
Baptist church services twice a week for 18 years, attended private
Calvary Baptist Christian schools for 15 years, on top of vacation
Bible schools, Lutheran summer camps and a few years as an altar boy.
Like roommates, he and God have had just about enough of each other --
and every Friday, he'll air his grievances to the arrogant prick (after
all, must take a lot of hot air to stay afloat above the clouds).
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Let’s just cut right to the chase. What happened to you, Jehovah (can I call you Joe)? You used to be cool.
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I know you've been trying this all-inclusive thing, but face it -- your popularity is hurting, and you winning over converts is a popularity contest. Just look at Allah.
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I've been comparing deals for my early Christmas shopping, and I've come to realize a huge problem with your afterlife offer: it sucks by comparison.
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God's First Response
I wanted to thank you for the candor in your letter, but I'm amused by your lack of foresight. You want me to turn Kanye West into a pillar of salt, but he's doing a much better job of destroying himself.
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Dear God, Last week’s meteor didn’t kill me. It almost gave me a heart attack, I’ll admit, since I was standing outside when it flew over Utah and turned the midnight sky into day. I haven’t been on anything that’s shown me something like that since high school (emphasis on the adjective).
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Dear Satan, I’ve been pretty open in my criticism of your upstairs neighbor. I know you guys have a history. Him, with his flowing white beard and robes, kicking you out of Heaven and regulating you to a literal Hell hole -- just another example of the powerful white man pulling the rug out under the red man and sticking him in a crappy reservation.
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