The beauty of any language is its mysteries and urban legends. With that in mind, I offer this column to logophiles everywhere, for I remember hearing in third grade that 'orange' is the only word in the English language that doesn't rhyme with anything. I guess my teacher never heard of 'silver.'
Or 'purple.'
Or 'month.'
Speaking of months, I also heard a nasty rumor that readers subscribing to a bimonthly publication can expect to receive an issue once every two months. Funny, because bimonthly also means "twice a month." I guess some editors have a lot of work and explaining to do. Disgruntled readers of Coin Prices Magazine, take note.
It's safe to say I'm not the only male ever to be called a misogynist-you know, those who hate or dislike women. Fun fact: the world is just as full of misandrists as it is misogynists. Can't we all just get along?
Everyone knows there are 26 letters in the English alphabet, but can you use them all in a sentence? The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
You know what's funny? There are no words in the English language that use all five vowels in the right order: i.e., a,e,i,o,u. Just kidding. I was being facetious.
But certain words with no vowels just have rhythm.
Being sesquipedalophobic, antidisestablishmentarians just scare me to death.
I can totally understand why people learning to speak English as a second language are so vexed. After all, there is no ham in a hamburger, no egg in an eggplant, and I've never seen either an apple or a pine in a pineapple.
And we wind up driving on parkways and parking on driveways. The comedian and former California gubernatorial candidate Gallagher reminds us that we buy televisions in sets when we only need one, and statues are called busts when they actually end right before the part of the body after which they're named.
It gets worse. Why do people recite at plays and play at recitals? Quicksand takes you down slowly and boxing rings are square.
I'm currently lethologically impaired, and I'm at a loss for words.
Across the country, from Bugscuffle, Tenn., to Knockemstiff, Ohio, lexographic idiosyncrasies exist.
I'd rather be a billionaire in Great Britain than in the United States. Here, a billion is only a thousand million where across the pond, a billion is a million million. Being a trillionaire eliminates any and all uncertainty. Shoot for the stars.
Let's get technical. Cleave is the only contranym in the English language. Its the only word which means its own opposite. Take notes-you're gonna be tested on this stuff.
Everybody knows vampires are nocturnal, but I wonder if their bat forms can survive as crepuscular creatures?
Please know that in Italian, the word pizza means slice, so when you ask for a slice of pizza, you're not only being redundant, you're also repeating yourself.
And by the way, if every number on a roulette wheel was added together, the sum is 666.
Since my column can be no more than 106 lines, I'll deceed that figure and end things right here.
abenson@chronicle.utah.edu
