Ahh, the sweet smell of man-made upholstery, the collision in the trenches between 300+ lb. hogs and a blow to the wallet only a $6 burger can give.
It doesn't have the typical aroma of freshly cut grass, painted endzones, and bratwurst burning by the pregame tailgaters in the parking lot, but it's not a bad supplement.
It's not the traditional time of year for the sport, but then again, it's not the typical style of 11-on-11 coach Urban Meyer and the Utes will attempt to instill in Rice-Eccles Stadium.
It's Arena League Football, err, I mean the National Indoor Football League, and even Dickie V would say it's awesome baby (just not in the same annoying, whiny pitch that compares only to fingers on a chalkboard).
The Utah Warriors are the state's newest professional football endeavor, after Provo's Utah Catzz failed miserably in just one year a while back. The Warriors play a 14-game season, with the season extending all the way into July. The Warriors open the regular season against Billings this Saturday. A handful of notable Utes secured the $300-a-week spots on the roster, including Omar Bacon, Kautai Olevao, Henry Kaufusi and Mike Thomas. Also on the roster is former Utah State standout Emmett White.
I watched the team's debut, an exhibition contest against the Rapid City Mud Dogs, and I wondered if the Dogs were required by the league to lose so, or if the Warriors' 70-16 thumping in their first game was for real.
Besides the fact it's the only football game in Utah which you can buy a brewskie (which I think always adds to the feel of a spectator sport), it was a pretty entertaining experience, in and out of the stands. And trust me, I'm not just saying that because a guy that reliably (and always comfortably) protected me in the pocket back in my playing days puts on a Warriors jersey.
The Warriors scored on their first play from scrimmage and blew open a 26-16 halftime lead for a 70-16 demolition. Oh yeah, and my middle school teacher got hit in the face with an errant quick pass, which caused a 10-minute stoppage in action, but she retained eyesight.
But the best part of the game was part of the halftime festivities, where the public address announcer called out to the fan faithful called the Warrior Nation for the craziest fan in attendance. Throughout the night, season tickets were given away to the fan that most accurately fit the category.
During halftime, mic man Alan Handey called out for a half dozen crazy fans to come down to the field and show just how insanely whacked they were, or more precisely, how much family name and personal humiliation they personify for tickets. Five or six fans jumped the small player/fan barricade immediately and rushed on to the field.
One drunkard literally put on a striptease to the disdain of the crowd, and actually stripped down in the buck before he was escorted out by police. (Of course, the rest of the game the PA announcer had to ensure fans the Warriors didn't condone nudity, just craziness. Nudity by a gut-sporting man in front of 8,000 people qualifies, wouldn't you say?)
Another fan approached the Warrior dancers, quite possibly the worst dance team I've ever seen (and it's not like I'm a dance critic). Another scored a takedown of the knight mascoted in armor, who put up surprisingly little fight. Also, their mascots were a wuss in armor and a wizard ('cause after all, who doesn't think of a wizard when they think of warriors?).
My favorite was the winner, a long-haired teenager with no backbone. He would get a running start and go head-first into the sideline padding, getting strewn in all directions. He would pop up and do it again without thinking. Now where's the liability in that one?
On second thought, maybe alcohol at football events isn't a good idea.
Rory welcomes feedback at: rbrunner@chronicle.utah.edu
